Wadsworth Revisited...is it enough?

Yesterday I visited the Veterans Affairs Medical Center, Leavenworth, Kansas. I think I like it's former name better: The National Soldiers Home, Western Branch, Wadsworth, Kansas. Yes, that has a grander ring to it...just like my ears do! President Lincoln, with the help of the U.S. Congress, established these homes as a way of repaying these volunteer soldiers loss of a limb or mind directly caused by the U.S. Civil War. These homes were grand in their Victorian design. No expense was to be spared and every effort was made to make sure these homes had the latest in modern plumbing, fixtures, safety equipment, medical services, food, and entertainment. The above image is of the lake...Lake Jeanette. Notice the band shell on the lake. In the 1870's, and until the 1930's, this is where the old soldiers, sailors, and marines would come to ease the heat of the day and listen to music. The band was provided for their enjoyment. They had dances and plays also. A huge library was provided. On pension day the canteen sold beer...70 half barrels worth! I won't tell you that this would meet our modern view of comfort. No, most of you would be appalled by the austerities of the open bay barracks with it lack of air conditioning and privacy. I believe most of you would have turned up your nose at the food the subsistence department provided. I am sure the horror of a visit to the hospital would be leaving you with thoughts of law suits. However, it is our modern eyes that make us blind. This place would have seemed as heaven on earth to these mangled men. Most of them were from farms and hard work and harder living is all that they knew until they were baptised by fire during war. These men had little in way of shelter, food, clothing, and sanitation. Just about all had body lice and sores covered their skin. Think about living as such. Now, think about coming to a place where you didn't have to worry about sores, lice, food, clothing, shelter, medical needs, and entertainment. To boot, they received pensions...money! That was a god send to these men and most enjoyed their stays until their last roll call. I wish it was still like that.

My stay at the soldier's home was short. In 4 hours I was back in my home and thinking about all of the above. I think a lot about the Veterans and how they live. I understand what is like to have wounds that don't show. Some people think that you should "just forget" about your military experience. I wish I could, but it is replayed at odd times during the day and frequently at night. How are you supposed to forget when the nightmares remind you? Yesterday I was told that I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have seen the counselor and the Psychiatrist. I feel guilty that I am not able to get over this by myself and I feel as a failed man...weak. I received my medication with dread and longed for the days when I would have been provided a band, a dance, and maybe a play. I wanted to be with the older men as they shared the days recalling their former glory with Custer. Mostly, I wanted to have pint or two of beer to forget and with luck...sleep in peace.